Christmas

 I spent most of this holiday season attempting to make this year amazing for my kids and myself. It felt so different this year for all of us. 

No snow, no family from out of town, different. 

I was juggling making memories, being a stay at home mom, homeschooling, while also feeling overwhelmed, tired, stressed. 

I did my best to be present, enjoy the days and moments because I was very aware that this year,this precious year where everything felt different, my son also felt different. I was very aware that the magic was needed even more this year for him as well, and that sadly the magic just might not be there for him next year. 

So in the midst of all the feeling, the happiness and sadness, the missing  people and the loving our time together I was also grieving the fact that my kiddo is growing up. 

It is such a strange dichotomy of feeling so blessed to be their mom, and to be a part of them growing, and to witness first hand them changing and growing and becoming... And still grieving the simpler times, the magic filled moments, the awe and wonder that seems to fade year by year and in a blink of an eye. 

So did I have an amazing Christmas? Yes absolutely. Was it filled with new memories? Yes. Was there lots of magic, wonder and awe? Yes. 

But my heart still aches for what once was, and I am finding peace with that. With the dichotomy  that is motherhood, with knowing that maybe these feeling will always be now- 

Blessed and filled with love for my children growing and living life, and missing what once was. 

Spending time with some family, while missing others, happy to be here and part of me wishing I was there. 

Learning to find peace in the middle. 

Learning to find balance. 

Learning to stay present through it all, but also give myself grace for being human and feeling it all. 

Will I ever figure that part out? Who knows. But I will keep trying, keep believing year after year. Keep treasuring this life, and all the ups and downs. Keep moving forward, and still look back at what once was- hopefully always with a full heart, and a smile that I was there for it all. 

A Call To Write

 For years now I have felt a call to write. And yet I hardly ever have, because I guess I am worried I don't have anything to share, at least not anything worth while, anything anyone else would want to read. So I just don't. 

And yet I feel called to do just that, write, again and again and again. So here I am. Ready to write, and share, and express myself in a way I have never truly allowed myself to before. 

Not in hopes of gaining followers, selling a product, or any other mainstream reason. I am here to write and share my life- that's it. 

Maybe someone will resonate with it, maybe not. Maybe no one will ever read this except me- and that is fine. 

But here, on the verge of my 40th birthday, tired of wanting to do something and holding myself back for whatever fear or reason I choose to blame that day. I am ready to simply share myself, who I am, what I love to do, and how I live my life. 

So what can you expect to see here? Well I hope to write sharing my life, so who am I? 

I am a stay at home mom to 2 amazing kiddos. I also homeschool my oldest (youngest isn't school age yet). I am an avid reader, mostly easy reads because let's be honest I my life is hectic enough I just want a feel good book! I love a good series and am always sad when they are done. I run most days of the week both because I love to, and because it is the only thing that really helps me to clam my mind and let go of anxiety. I love being outdoors and have a passion for the beach and the mountains. I went to college for photography and will always have a camera with me, though these days the camera reel is filled with more candid family photos than jaw dropping landscapes - but I do still sneak those in to. I love to crochet and knit, as well as paint- something I sadly haven't done in years but do desperately want to get back in to. I was a yoga teacher for several years, and sometimes consider picking up a class or two again- but maybe a bit more in the future. I LOVE holidays, decorating, and planning over the top kid parties. 

I am creative at heart, a homebody, I love a big cup of coffee in the morning and a nice glass of wine at night. 

So what does all of this mean? I am an eclectic person- and you can expect a bit of everything here. I am tired of trying to narrow myself down or focus on one thing- because honestly that just doesn't work for me. (Never has)

So welcome! If you actually read all that maybe you will enjoy my ramblings. I hope so. 

Sarah

Never Growing Up ~ My journey from a mundane adult life, to rediscovering and honoring my inner child

Where did this idea come from?

I have spent the last 11 months everyday with my little guy. He has given me more motivation to move forward than I could have ever expected. I watch him learn new things everyday, discovering the world around him with such excitement, wide eyes, bright spirit, and not backing down for anyone (much to my dismay sometimes)....

 

The other day it came to me, that this journey is NOT for me to guide him, to teach him how to be the person I, or the world, wants him to be… but rather maybe this journey is for ME to learn from him! Maybe I am supposed to see the world through his eyes, through his excitement for a while, and to allow my inner child to return to the surface!
Whoa! What a crazy way of thinking, and I am sure if I shared this with anyone they would think I was crazy… or would they? Would the people who are really aligned with me, who are meant to be in my world think this was an amazing idea. Would they be inspired to follow suit?

Well this is me taking a big bold wild chance that it is the latter. If what I have said so far has struck a chord with you I hope you will follow along my journey. I hope you will share your own life experiences, you will join my community, my tribe of people joining together to honor their true selves, to allow themselves to dream big, to break down the walls. It is my hope for myself as well as for you that we are able to reconnect with our inner child, that one who used to dream of being a write, an artist, a musician, a world traveler, or whatever else excites you!

I will share my experiences, my struggles, lessons learned, ways I have begun to break down my own blocks, to release ideas passed down to me- but that are not serving me and I wish to let go of.
I hope these writings are informational, inspirational, funny, and down to earth. I am here to continue my journey, to find my way, and maybe just maybe inspire you on yours as I go.

Welcome! I can’t wait to get to know you more!